Star Wars Clone Wars Fruit Flavored Snacks (2011)

Star Wars Fruit Snacks

Don’t you just hate it when you lose your nerdy collectibles? Well in my case I “miss-placed” these Star Wars Clone Wars fruit flavored snacks. A few years later I found them! Should I try to eat these? I did not mean to keep them in such pristine condition. I don’t think even The Force could help preserve these for very long. Well they are made from processed sugars and who knows what else so maybe, with The Force’s help. I wish I had a Wookie so I could have him try it instead of me. Let the Wookie try it! He eats anything!

As big a fan of Star Wars as I claim to be I have never watched any of the Star Wars Clone Wars TV program. I was just so off-put by the lame looking visuals and half-assed anime style. That and not having cable I could not watch the show till it came out on glorious home video! Yet, I still have not watched it. Maybe, just maybe these snacks will inspire me to watch it.

When I was a kid I enjoyed eating fruit snacks. And when I became an adult I found there are food items that actually are good for you and taste like real fruit. We big adults call them real fruit! I know I was pretty shocked when I found out that a strawberry tastes like the red fruit snack, only you know, much better. And I might possibly not get cancer from eating real fruit too. On a side note I think the perfect name for an insurance company would be The Force Insurance. Their slogan could be “When The Force is with you, Anything is possible!”

Star Wars Fruit Snacks

First off let’s talk about the package design. The wide box tricks you into thinking the packages are large and contain a lot of fruit. Actually there is tons of waste in this product. Upon opening the box you see the packages of fruit are rather small and worse yet each one has only a few pieces in it. It’s pretty expensive if you do the math on giving kids real fruit versus fruit snacks. If nothing else you could dip your real fruit in sugar and it would still be healthier for you than products like these. Ah, but nobody cares about that Mr. Nerdy Reviewer Dudette! I know but …….awkward pause….. Star Wars merchandise!!!

The box is colorful and shows art from the Clone Wars show yet interestingly there is no mention of the Clone Wars on the box. The Star Wars logo is a bit too large – the gradient as well is too dark making the show seem like a horror movie, rather than a light-hearted kids show. And it is on a box of fruit snacks, lighten up graphic designer. I know you want to be in the action figure packaging but you gotta pay your dues. And when you get that glamorous position with no design credit given on the products you will remember the time when you designed the box of Star Wars fruit flavored snack! It looks like Obi-Wan’s light saber is broken off – why does it disappear? Is this a sign that he is losing his power? Maybe the batteries just need to be changed. Curse you D batteries! Curse you!

Star Wars Fruit Snacks

Yoda, in comparative scale, is freaking huge! He would be like the size of the building of the Jedi Temple itself! That’s pretty scary and might make me choke on my unnatural fruit flavored snacks. At the top we see Obi-Wan and Anakin’s ships flying away. Holy force stealing ships Batman! Who took the ships – don’t the Jedi have some kind of security device. Maybe like a droid? They are going to be soooo pissed when they get back to the ‘ol temple da Yoda.

One reason for my dis-like of Clone Wars is the punked face that Anakin is sporting. Just look at it. Don’t you just want to smack him? He is the kind of guy that wears VANS pants. You know, the long legged ones that are 5 sizes too big. Then there are the clones with those monotone drab voices done by a lazy voice over guy…ugh the prequel material. Does it really have to be considered canon for the franchise?

The back of the box or the front I guess looks the same just twisted around. I guess this is for putting it the shelf in different ways. On the side there are the pictures of the individual fruit flavored pieces. I would think that’s more important to show on the front? Another sad mark that I must point out is that there is no manufacture plant identification shown on the box. We only know it’s distributed by ConAgra. Was this even made in the United States? Not having a manufacturing location should be a considered a crime. The Sith must be behind that.

Star Wars Fruit SnacksThe fruit induced chemical sugar gummy like candy has six different shapes if you will. There is Yoda, Clone Trooper, Jedi Starfighter, R2-D2, C-3PO, General Grievous. Of which the last 3 are not included in the colorful artwork. This is also misleading to the customer, showing the main characters of the show but not including a delicious gummy version is wrong I feel. Although it would be a bit cannibalistic to eat the heads of Obi-Wan. I’m sure chewing on C3-PO would not be much nicer. Really the fans are asking where is the Jar-Jar gummy treat to chew to bits! I hope he is not in the Clone Wars show, that would just ruin it completely. Anakin on the other hand might allow some fans to evict some sweet revenge for all that bad acting in the prequels. You can even scream out a blatant “Nooooooooo!” as you chow down on the would be Dark Lord of The Sith!

I wondered why Yoda is the only one that is a full figure. He looks like he is taking a leak, right? Maybe when reviewing fruit snacks the little 5 year old in my just comes out, but he does look like he’s watering the swamp if you know what I mean. The clone trooper is pretty neat but why could they have not made it white and coconut.

The space ship I do like somewhat in the movies but as a fruit snack I don’t want to eat it. It looks like it could get jammed in my little 5 year old throat. I have still have dreams and aspirations in life! If I was in a tough spot, like somebody stole my GI figures during Cobra hunting season, I could use the Jedi starfighter fruit flavored snack to cut a fool! “Mess with my ‘Joes will ya! Pff, let’s see Yoda save you from this. Arhhh!!” (Little 5 year old in my launches into a torrent of death and destruction, at a 5 year old level).Star Wars Fruit Snacks

I like the R2-D2 and C3-PO the best. The sculpts or whatever you would call them look the most pronounced on these. If you squint just a bit it looks like C-3PO is we wearing a blonde wig. Am I right? There is General Grievous and I’m not impressed. For a dude with 4 light sabers and 4 arms he was pretty pathetic. Also, would it not be better if Grievous was the purple color and the starfighter be the redish pink?

These treats are neat but I decided not to eat them. They were not that soft and might get stuck somewhere in my body for a long time. Still I got the idea to glue these to some board and make some art with them. Check back later when I finish with that project. Let me know what your thoughts on these snacks are and what is your favorite themed fruit snack of your childhood?

Star Wars Fruit Snacks Star Wars Fruit Snacks Star Wars Fruit Snacks Star Wars Fruit Snacks Star Wars Fruit SnacksIf you have not figured it out from reading this is a work of fiction for fun only. So if you don’t have a sense of humor, get one. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental so bite me!


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